Wondering, Crying and Remembering.

And sometimes, it hits me out of nowhere, again.

When will I remember that I had a baby and lost him?

When will I remember without crying?

I see pictures of him, marvel at his tiny size at birth. But I wonder, was he real?

I see pictures of us as a family, lost in good memories. But I wonder, will it happen again, or was it just a dream?

I look through the pictures of things we did, crying at what we lost. But I wonder…was he real?

I touch the clothes that once warmed his skin, and get lost is memories. But I wonder, will these hands hold another child of ours?

*sigh* He was real. I once held him. I once knew what the love of a parent meant. Do I still?

I once had a baby boy, whom I still love more than air. I once held him so close.