Skip to content

It’s been too long

February 18, 2011

It’s been too long since I’ve written here.

 

As time moves closer to Mickeys heaven date, I find myself less and less ‘inspired’ to write.  In some way, I know that not feeling well is also a culprit, but I know it’s mostly watching a date come that I wish had NO significance at all, yet it does.

 

March 11th…

 

It seems like a impassable wall, a wall of huge proportions that must be gone over, I can’t evade it.  It’s like an obstacle course.  I can see the end, but littered here and there before it are things I must go through to get there.   I’m not a distance runner, nor have I ever enjoyed relays or other such things. But I feel like I’ve been running one for almost a year now.  Just moving, constantly moving, falling often and getting back up again. Facing those obstacles has been hard, and will be hard.

 

We started going to the grief group again, as it started back up.  I’m thankful for going again. It’s helping, and yet showing that I’m not done with this process.

In grief, you get to a point where you can carry on with life. But you never forget the depth of grief and where it can take you in just a moment.  You get to a point where life isn’t so hard to face, but you know you’ll be sucker punched at some point, because something silly, small or seemingly insignificant triggers a memory, a hope, a dream in which will never be fulfilled without him here…

I’m so wary of this journey. I’m to tired, literally and figuratively.  I’ve found that grief does things to my health that I don’t appreciate.  Grief does things to my memory that I don’t appreciate.

 

Yet here I am, still living, still breathing. Albeit, not as I’d thought I would be. Maybe, not how I should be either. I have found a  measure of lasting peace, a thread of hope and joy lights my days and eases my nights.

Praise Christ for giving me His strength to lean on…

Advertisements
4 Comments leave one →
  1. February 18, 2011 8:46 am

    Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers Peggy!

  2. Tina Hoffman permalink
    February 22, 2011 9:27 am

    Sending hugs and prayers to you mama!! the future holds many, many blessings for you my dear!

    I love this ending…

    Yet here I am, still living, still breathing. Albeit, not as I’d thought I would be. Maybe, not how I should be either. I have found a measure of lasting peace, a thread of hope and joy lights my days and eases my nights.

    Praise Christ for giving me His strength to lean on…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: