It’s been too long
It’s been too long since I’ve written here.
As time moves closer to Mickeys heaven date, I find myself less and less ‘inspired’ to write. In some way, I know that not feeling well is also a culprit, but I know it’s mostly watching a date come that I wish had NO significance at all, yet it does.
It seems like a impassable wall, a wall of huge proportions that must be gone over, I can’t evade it. It’s like an obstacle course. I can see the end, but littered here and there before it are things I must go through to get there. I’m not a distance runner, nor have I ever enjoyed relays or other such things. But I feel like I’ve been running one for almost a year now. Just moving, constantly moving, falling often and getting back up again. Facing those obstacles has been hard, and will be hard.
We started going to the grief group again, as it started back up. I’m thankful for going again. It’s helping, and yet showing that I’m not done with this process.
In grief, you get to a point where you can carry on with life. But you never forget the depth of grief and where it can take you in just a moment. You get to a point where life isn’t so hard to face, but you know you’ll be sucker punched at some point, because something silly, small or seemingly insignificant triggers a memory, a hope, a dream in which will never be fulfilled without him here…
I’m so wary of this journey. I’m to tired, literally and figuratively. I’ve found that grief does things to my health that I don’t appreciate. Grief does things to my memory that I don’t appreciate.
Yet here I am, still living, still breathing. Albeit, not as I’d thought I would be. Maybe, not how I should be either. I have found a measure of lasting peace, a thread of hope and joy lights my days and eases my nights.
Praise Christ for giving me His strength to lean on…