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January 1st, 2011…1.1.11

January 1, 2011

Happy New Years.

Last night I cried because I didn’t want to leave Michael behind. Irrational, yes.  I’m finding that grief IS irrational.  No matter what way you slice grief, no matter who you’re grieving, it is not rational.

This is a new year though. I’m wary of it, but choosing to be optimistic that it will be better than 2010.

I’m turning 30 this year. I’ve always wanted to do something special to celebrate it…looking forward to it, unlike some other women, ;).  While it won’t be as ‘spectacular’ as I’d dreamt, it’ll have the most important people in my life…and that is always the best to me.

I sometimes go back and forth…do I say screw the world, and be nasty, anger, and cutting? Or do I strive to hang onto love, peace…hope for the future? Most of the time, I can ignore the nasty side I have now.  I can ignore the anger.  I’m working on the cutting words…

This is a rambling post…I don’t know where I’m going with it.

 

I just miss Michael. I equal him with 2010. Now 2010 is gone…forever.  It’s hit me hard.

Hope your 2011 is a good one.

 

Peg

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 1, 2011 8:09 am

    Makes perfect sense. For us each day takes us farther away from the life of our children. Peace.

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