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Post 200! Reflections, Honesty and Peggy.

December 23, 2010

Wow. I’ve made it to post 200. I have thought long and hard about this post. What shall I talk about? What should it entail? I’ve already done a recap of the year, my goals for next year have been mapped out and my highlighting of other blogs I’ve followed all year long has been linked up.

So what now? What could I possible talk about, of significance, for this special blogaversary?

I am eager to leave 2010 behind. Or am I? I entered the year with Michael in my arms, and I leave it and him behind.

I have handled this year with the only way I know how. God. I learned to take one step at a time, and face the grief, not run from it. I learned that death and life bring out the best, and the worst, in people. I have heard everything from, he was just a baby, to I’m so sorry for your loss, is there anything I can do? I have dealt with accusations which stated I deserved to loose my son, and more.

I have learned that the generosity of people is alive and well.  People I see everyday and the people I’ve not met, but want to someday. People who don’t even know me from Eve. Family reaching out to do what they can. Friends stepping up to help.

This year has been about loss, grief, faith and triumph in God alone.  This year, I’ve been more honest, more open and more loving than any other year. This year I’ve been more angry, more selfish and more jealous than any other year of my life.

Life is a gift more precious in the face of loss, than at any other time.  In loss, you see the truest reflection of who you are. What you believe. What you’re made of.  Who you’ll become when distance, and God, have allowed you to remember without tears and the searing pain.

Okay for something fun, I took a poll of sorts. *I’m not vain, but I thought this would be fun. Something I can look back at when I need a mood adjustment, or boost of confidence!*

The poll was, what 5 words would you use to describe me, and you can’t use strong or brave. (you know how I feel about those words! 😛 )

This is what I got:

caring, loving, funny, beautiful, honest, quirky, lovely, feminine, generous, caring, witty, compassionate, optimistic, faithful, adored, forthright, caring, beautiful, amazing, powerful, quick witted, humorous, ingenious, intelligent, wise beyond ur years, loving and friendly, crafty, faithful, gawwwwgeous ;), honest, sweet, and trustworthy!, open and honest, genuine, genuine, sassy, beautiful, loyal, generous, clever, witty, resilient, creative, remarkable, assertive, opinionated (that is positive in my mind), endearing, infectious, free spirited, tenacious, bold, compassionate, gorgeous, inspiring, accepting, generous, straight-forward, kind, talented, strong-willed, delightful, great writer, tough, self-assertive.

Those are the words, verbatim. Well, except for some minor grammar changes!

 

Now, for some final words. It’s hard to sum up a year full of so much, yet not full. It doesn’t seem extraordinary at all to me…just a year that was…hell…to live through. Nothing special at all. Well, Michael was extra special. I have learned, loved, grown, struggled, and yet lived through it all.

My name is Peggy, I am now a survivor.

 

 

 

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Stephanie Lindley permalink
    December 23, 2010 11:40 am

    What a great idea for a 200th blog Peggy keep up the great work i love reading your blogs.

  2. December 24, 2010 11:40 am

    peggy- i feel like I could have written this post.

    my heart is with you.

    • December 24, 2010 11:51 am

      Jill, as mine is with you. Many of your posts could have been mine as well. Grief, even in it’s difference, still comes from the same place. Wishing you and yours a merry Christmas this year. XOXO

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