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October 13, 2010

I wasn’t going to get online today. I was going to do so many other things. Now, as I look through photographs to remind me what he looked like, listen to videos to remember his goofy sounds…I’m at a loss for words.

I miss him with every breath and thought I have, but…But.


Today, I’m thankful to have known my son, held him, thankful for the tears I cried, the depth of the sorrow to measure my love by. I’m thankful for a mothers heart which longs for her child so earnestly, that nothing separates them.  I give thanks for all that I have, all that I’ve lost, and all that I will gain.

I lost my child and found my Abba God.

I lost my son and found my loving character.

I lost my baby boy and found a deep relationship with my husband.

I lost my hope and found it again, only stronger and bigger.

I may have lost you Michael, but you are found in Heaven. In a new body. Singing with a new voice.

I may have lost him, but there is truly beauty in ashes.

To quote a pretty wise man, John Newton, ‘I once was lost, but now am found’

We played Amazing Grace at the end of Michael memorial. How fitting this song is, the more I listen to it, the more I understand it.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T’was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
‘Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we’ve been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’ve first begun.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.


Today, I have a thankful heart, and while it may be hurting still, I know this life isn’t over yet, blessings will not be held from me.

I am blessed, I am grateful and I am at rest in His peace.

Happy Birthday Michael, may your day today be more wonderful in Heaven than yesterday. We miss you, love you and celebrate your short earthly life.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Katrina Huckabay permalink
    October 13, 2010 9:18 am

    Happy Birthday Michael from Joel


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