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Unresolved Anger?

October 10, 2010

I have unresolved anger. Does this surprise anyone? It doesn’t surprise me…much.  As I watched myself cutting people down with a few careless words, a nasty look or vicious thoughts; I would cringe inside, wondering why I was hurting those I love the most.

Yesterday, I had a massive headache and all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep. I didn’t. Instead I did the dishes, laundry and some straightening up.  Did I go to bed after that? Nope. I went to church.  I couldn’t sing, because my head hurt, so I sat down. I started sobbing. I was thinking of Michael, and missing him horribly. All of my pain came back with a vengeance. And I was angry!  I was so angry that I didn’t have Michael in my arms last night. I can’t articulate how angry I was.

Then it hit me.  I’ve been angry all along, thus why I’ve been so short with people.

Oh, I cried more after that. Only this time, with a repentant heart. I felt so bad. I reached up, grabbing Hubby’s hand and squeezed.  He was the one who understood, yet I was hurting him by not loving him.

The sermon, by the way? It was about controlling your tongue. How appropriate! Thanks God. 😉

When we speak, we have the strength to build up or tear down. Lift up, or rip apart. The hardest thing to do, is to keep your mouth shut when all you want to do is let ‘er rip.  The ‘fruit’ of my mouth will tell you what my tree (faith) is rooted in. Oh, how well I can talk the talk, but to walk it, speak it and trust it.  That is where my mind ends, and my actions begin.

Here’s to not being lazy with my belief.  Here’s to not letting my tongue control which way I turn.

Here’s to continually growing and learning. (and forgiving oneself!)

 

*I am thankful to have a wonderful man who forgives me easily and loves me wholly. I am blessed more than I deserve to be. I told him I was so sorry and why I was being so cutting with him. And that through God’s help, I would work towards stopping my angry toward him.  He told me I understand and it’s okay. Wow. *humbled*

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. De'Dee Brown permalink
    October 10, 2010 2:02 pm

    … broken record here… gluten… ok not that you aren’t mad… I get that …. and even though you and God are going to have to get thru that I understand why you would be. But gluten… the first reaction Ric knows I have had gluten is I get mad … no really over mad.. no really screaming crazy mad even when I see I am wrong I keep being MAD. When I don’t consume gluten while I do get mad I am not a raging crazy person. I am being pushy Peggy… I get that… but dearheart there are a number of things going against you…. gluten issues are familial, migraines… If I had had this information 20 years ago I can easily picture my life being very different. Praying God gives you comfort, wisdom, strength and wraps you in His love. Love you

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