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Tornado’s in Arizona?

October 6, 2010

Today has been a really stormy day in Arizona. Filled with high winds, lots of rain, buckets of hail and tornado sightings and touch downs. I am a storm chaser at heart, I grabbed my camera and went outside to capture what I could. Unfortunately, what I captured wasn’t spectacular.

Have you ever noticed how we mark the passage of time? We eagerly await the weekends, days off, holidays, anniversaries and birthdays. Those are the normal ways to mark time.  When you loose someone, you begin to mark it in different ways.  The first summer storms, the first smells of Autumn, the smell of pumpkin pie baking for the first time this year.   Countless ways to mark the passage of time without a loved one.

It’s almost like you have two levels of time awareness. Regular time, and ‘lost’ time, if you will.  When others are celebrating a day, you may or may not notice the date.  While you are marking a day, others don’t know the significance.  Usually I have found, every day is a day to mark something. No day passes without a thought held for the loved one who is missing something, or a thought given to how the loved one would react to life.

The past few days I’ve been enjoying a powerful storm rolling around, as it clears, I wonder what Michael would have thought of it. Would he have enjoyed it? Feared it? How would I have helped him over that fear? Would he laugh at the noise and sounds? Would he love the rain like I do? Would we be playing in the mud right now? How fun it would have been to have a mud throwing war with him and be able to take baths to clean up, and snuggle afterwords.  Watching him sleep from a day of excitement.   I would have loved to share this with him, but I think he has a better seat in which to view these storms than I do.

As the days approach in which many are gearing up to celebrate, I look for ways to bring Michael into them with the least amount of pain involved for myself and those around me. I can’t yet say I am eagerly awaiting them, but I can say I don’t dread them.  I know I’ll miss seeing Michael experience these holidays.  But now it’s up to us who remain to find something about the holidays to be happy about, something worth celebrating.

Hello holidays, you are welcome to our home.

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