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6 Months, 1 week and 1 day

September 19, 2010

A good friend of mine said something which struck me.  Many are the ways to encapsulate those 6 month, 1 week, 1 day.

Is it, “It’s only been…”

Or is it, “Has it already been…?”

Or, even, “I can’t believe it’s been…”

And, “It can’t be…”

Somehow time seems to keep moving, keep ticking. Without our permission. Without a care to our desires.

Somehow this 6 months, 1 week and 1 day have passed by in a blur. In which it seemed painfully slow in the moment but upon reflection, time has moved at the same pace as always.

When I look back on those 6 months I am looking to see if I’ve missed anything. Losing Michael has made me aware things are sometimes painful and sometimes beautiful. I’ve come to realize how I view something or someone is based on my focus at the start of my day.  Some days, I just want to ignore all, curl up and sleep it away. Others I know it is a blessed day and peace fills my heart and soul.

As I think about the approaching date of what would have been Michael’s birthday, I have many emotions. Things I’d like to do, things I don’t want to do, and a few what if’s. I pray with every breathe somehow on the 13th of October, I can do what needs to be done.  Whatever God has in store for that day, I want to be ready. So I pray. In my prayers, he’s met me and given comfort. So I know it’s not out of reach to know he will do the same on that October day.

I’m almost…excited.

When moments of grief come, it’s different now.  It’s easier to let them come, indulge in them, and (most importantly) let them go to God. I know now, grief comes and GOES and I don’t need to hold it so tightly. I held it like a shield, more scared to let go, not knowing how much a relief it is to hand grief over to God’s capable hands.  We have not gone through Michaels clothes yet. An option is to go through them on the 13th. An option is to just leave them for now. Only time will tell with what option we decide to do.

God is my strength, every moment I turn to him, seeking comfort, courage and strength, he provides.  Many are the times I am faced with difficult situations and only when I turn to God, so I have a peace and ability to continue on.  I’m grateful for this peace, for the one who gives it to me.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. De'Dee Brown permalink
    September 19, 2010 2:53 pm

    just a thought about his clothes… but… have you considered making a quilt out of patches of these clothes? Something you could either hang or frame or ???

    • September 19, 2010 2:55 pm

      DeDee, yeah, that is my intention. As well as keeping some of the others we like for our next children.

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