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August 27, 2010

Is today special?  There is no reason it should be, at least in my life, but someone I know is marking today, remembering their little angel baby today.  This day would pass without any notice to many, but for one family, it has a bittersweet poignancy.

How many other families are passing the days without the world noticing that the tears come faster, the grief is heavier and the heart is breaking again?

Many of us, do not wear the loss on our sleeves for all to see; but it’s indelibly etched into our hearts, our souls, our faces, our eyes and our lives.  If one would care to look a bit longer, hold our gaze for a second more, the grief would be there to see, to share.

As many other families prepare to celebrate the first year of life, some of us are left wondering how we’ll mark that special day too.  What do we do to mark the birth and short life we loved completely, wholly and are now left to mourn for the rest of our days?

My plans have slowly been developing, and shaping how I want to mark Michael birth date. I want to plant a tree in our yard. Set a bench underneath it, to sit in the shade and remember the sweet moments of life we had with him. I want to just cuddle with my husband for the day, block out the rest of the world, and just be. If I don’t get out of bed that day either, well then I just don’t get out of bed.

I have read that creating traditions to remember your child helps. I guess we’ll find out.  Many days will be hard to face each year, sometimes they might creep up on me, others are long dreaded and will turn out to not be as bad as I’d feared.

We’ve put up our pictures in our new home, we have many of Michael up. How often do I look at them? Not all the time, when I do look, I get lost in memories, and the tears always come. Sometimes I laugh at a memory.

I miss him today, as I do everyday.

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