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Disbelief

August 26, 2010

I see evidence of him everywhere in our life, as we unpack our things.  Michael was here only a short time, but he became a huge part of our world. Even the things that aren’t usually associated with babies, have a memory attached to them, a memory of Michael. I guess that’s why we got rid of our bed, the couch and the rocking chairs we had.  Besides them being used by him in some way, they weren’t what we liked.

I was looking through pictures of Michael and us, and am flooded with memories of our little family. I really DO live in a world of disbelief, I put Michael in a box, until I am ready to open it just a little to remember, and long for.

It still surprises me, how much the pain hurts. How deep the pain goes, and just how close to the surface it still it. But really, Peggy, it’s only been 5 months, 2 weeks and 2 days, and endless hours. Really, not very long, but longer than he was with us…2 weeks and 4 days longer.

I miss him, I miss his baby smell, his babbling, his endless curiosity.  The way he enjoyed a good bath, the way he loved me singing. The love I felt from him. The impish smiles, the flirtatiousness with me, and any other female.  The peaceful was he slept in my arms, a hand around my necklaces to keep my close.  I wish I held him more, kissed him more, hugged him more. I wish I stored up those treasures so that I could take them out now, when I need them…

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Kay permalink
    August 26, 2010 12:56 pm

    Ah! My baby . . . It is good to have these memories since he was too soon gone from earth. I could wish you so many more than you have though. Everyone whose life he touched will remember him – but you two more than anyone else. I have blocks of time where I can forget. Then, it slams me when I see such wonderful pictures of him with you guys. I wish I could take the pain and leave the joy; take the emptiness and leave you full; take the tears and leave the laughter. These are just a few of the things I wish I could do – but more than any other – I wish I could give life and leave death behind.

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