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Hello Mickey Mouse!

August 20, 2010

Today, I had a few people mention something about my tattoo…and I’m sure they wished they hadn’t. The usual questions are, thats a nice tat, you must be into Mickey Mouse a lot to get one like that. Oh, you must be a fan too! I am, I have a bajillion of this and that (Mickey Mouse brickabrack). I correct them, saying, It’s for my son. Now I sometimes don’t follow that up with, in his memory. If I don’t, they ask how old he is, or aww, thats sweet. Then my reply is along these lines, He’s dead, or he died from SIDS, or something like that…He would be 10 months now, or he was 5 months when he passed…

They visibly recoil, and say, oh, I’m SO sorry, and their face has genuine distress, now I don’t know if it’s because they are distressed for me, or for themselves, for having someone like me near them…I’m glad to not know.  I get a few people who say that the tattoo is a wonderful way to remember him, over my heart, and something to see a lot. I’m grateful for their words, their effort to affirm my choice in memorial. They are the few who get it right.

It’s sad that with all the things our society has advanced on,the art of acknowledging, affirming and caring for the parents of a dead child is lost. It is an art, you have to gauge the mood of the situation, the parent, the circumstance, and go from there. Many, Many MANY do not want to be bothered with this, and more do not what to think it can happen to them. Many live without knowing how easy life can be changed, how fast your world can tilt. I envy them that…I envy you your innocence.

Sometimes, many times, I feel like there is a little troll following me, and when I’m not looking, he puts a brick in my path, just as my foot would hit it, so I can’t evade it, I can’t go around, over or jump it. It’s there, I stumble over it, and fall sometimes, trip always, and go to one knee many times. Is anyone missing their troll?! You can have him back now!

I’m so tired of this half life, no life, waiting life I’m in.

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