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The 5 stages of Grief, It’s all hocus pocus to me

August 13, 2010

Some noted person decided to enumerate and pontificate on the stages of grief, neatly putting the process in a box so that it’s easy, clean and tidy to deal with.  The thought goes, that you deal with each stage in a timely manner, and then you’re done.  That thought is loved by our society, but there are those who know those 5 stages are a joke.

Denial/Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

I believe those 5 stages are for those who are outside the inner circle of grief, more than for those in it. Who can tell a person how to grieve, when to grieve, why to grieve? The 5 stages of grief is more like guidelines for those who watch us grieve, than rules for those of us who grieve.  There are no rules, all bets are off, no one really knows the length, breath or severity of your grief. I dare say, not even you know. I know I don’t.

I think there should be a new ‘5 Stages’ of grief…Numb, Foggy, Disbelief, Anger, Depression and it cycles over and over again.

I am 5 months away from losing Michael. It seems more like 5 minutes or 5 days. I am again, in the ‘stage’ of numbness, fogginess. I believe that’s how I get through the days anyway. Who can live with this intense grief everyday, without some relief coming through distraction, or self-induced vegetative state?  I expected to be drowning in tears, but am instead, drowning in the ‘busys’.   Hoping that if I keep myself busy, or distracted enough, the grief will go away, or Michael will somehow come back to us. Hoping for the impossible, really.

Today, I just plan on keeping busy, I plan to make it through today, but it’s going to suck. It’s going to be hard.  Picking out things for a new place with Wayne, without Michael, while being happy at living together alone again, the glaring reality is that we’ll always be person short, we’ll always be missing him.

Lord, give me strength today…

*****

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Becky James permalink
    August 20, 2010 9:45 pm

    The stages of grief are painfully oversimplified and can in any which order. You can skip some of them and they may stay dormant for a long time. And you can experience them over and over again. Whoever did not elaborate when they talked about the stages of grief was a moron. It’s not a complete crock, but it is ovesimplified.

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