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What Do I Say Now?

July 28, 2010

When you are feeling so sad for someone, you want to say something to make it better, make it easier.  You want to see them smile again, laugh again, find joy in simple things again. But, unfortunately…when a child is lost, it takes a long time to smile, laugh, and find joy, when your very reason to do those has passed before you. It’s not a natural lifetime, it was shorten way to small.

When you look for something to say to a bereaved parent, many things come to mind. I will try to help you understand the first thing I think of when it is being said to me.

*It’ll be okay*
Really? It will? When? When my son is brought back to life? It will never be okay again…

*He’s in a better place*
Excuse me, but I think the better place is in my arms, I’m his mother.

*Time will heal this loss*
Time? time doesn’t heal this…it will always be an open wound. If it scabs over, it will only be superficial.

*You should move on*
Really, and how would I do that?! Can you tell me how I should MOVE ON?  I can’t…I lost my child!

*He would want you to be happy*
I’m sure he would, but to make me happy again, would be to have him back.

*God will hold you up*
yes, he will, but right now, I’m mad at him, so forgive me if I’m not to ‘happy’ when he is mentioned.

*God has a plan for this*
So, God had a plan for me to be so low, death looks inviting? Interesting…

*You’re So Strong, or I wouldn’t be able to live through that*
I’m sorry, but I’m NOT strong. I’m shattered inside. The only reason I’m living ‘through’ this, is because I don’t have a choice. Either I live or I kill myself.


I’m sure there are more, but I hope you can see why sometimes, when you say something…it’s not taken the way you mean it. 

I struggled with so many of those…and still do…although I do know, that a vast majority of the time, when said, these are meant to give me comfort. I appriciate the intent…just not the words! 🙂

If I could go back to being who I was, I would…
If I could change the outcome, believe me…I would.
But now..this is the new me…the ever changing me…the me that doesn’t know what the next second will bring.
the me that is suffering through hell and hopes you never have too.


I am getting through, because I have too. I am up and doing things, to take my mind off of Michael. I am doing…thats about it.

Lord, you are my shepard, my hope. I know Michael is there with you, as I will be when I pass from this world. I know you have a plan for me, always have, always will.  Can I just say that right now, this plan seems to REALLY REALLY suck? Can I just say I hate this plan? I’m sure you understand how I feel…Thank you

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Tiffany kaucher permalink
    July 28, 2010 8:58 pm

    Nicely put! The only other one that infuriates me is “she’s in a better place”. There is NO better place than in my arms. We were in heaven when we were together!!!!! The strength one is the WORST tho. It’s like they are insinuating that they wouldn’t live thru the death of their child bc they love theirs more? WRONG! Losing ur child makes u want to die and hate urself for even breathing- that’s not strength, I don’t know what to call it but it is just downright awful.

  2. Tiffany kaucher permalink
    July 28, 2010 8:59 pm

    Oops- just noticed that u do have the “better place” one. Sorry! Dang phone.

  3. Kristen permalink
    July 29, 2010 12:14 am

    It really helps to read this, is there anything anyone can really say that WOULD be of comfort? I can only imagine there is NOTHING =*(

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