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Another Look

July 24, 2010

Another look at the way I choose to live my life now…

 

Looking back trough all my blogs has shown me that I’m in a perpetual cycle of grief, pain, anger, sorrow and acceptance. It just recycles over and over again. 

Can I just get off the darn mouse wheel now, and have a different outlook on life?

I have decided to just jump off this thing…and see where I land.  I have read a few book recently that have brought to my attention a lack of faith in God, shown me that I am blaming Him for something that He hasn’t done, oh He may have allowed it, but only because there is sin in the world. I’m not making any sense right now…I don’t have my notes in front of me to make sense.  

But needless to say, I WANT a different way to look at Michaels death…I’m sufficating here, in sorrowland. I am not, however, saying that I will be ‘better’ nor will I have ‘closure.’   While I may at some point have a peace, joy and hope again, I will still be missing a son, I will still think of him. But I hope, really, that it wont be so hard to bare. I hope that when thoughts of Michael come, I will be left smiling, not crying. I will be left with hope, not grief…

I hope…I hope…I choose…I choose.  Wouldn’t you? 

Michael, darling…I miss you more than yesterday, but I do know, that you are in Heaven, that we WILL see each other again.  I just need to figure out how my normal is going to be now…how much I’m willing to trust God with…how much I will give over to Him…

 

Lord, have patience.  This might take awhile, but I know that You are here for me…Give me endurance like Job, faith like David and joy like Sarah…please…

 

*Waiting on Him*

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 25, 2010 12:57 pm

    YOU ARE AMAZZZZING!

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