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Entry 100, Star Date Twenty Ten

July 16, 2010

*a bit of humor to start with*

I am still here…still missing Michael. For whatever reason, I though that my 100th post should be extra special…but haven’t been able to come up with a subject, other than Michael.  And he has always been and always will be, extra special to us.  So he qualifies to be my post…

Work has been really hard lately, which had caused me to think about what was good for me right now, and what wasn’t.  After thinking about it, praying about it, talking to Wayne and my parents (as we live with them) I put in my resignation yesterday.  The parting was bittersweet, as I do genuinely love my co-workers and ALL they have done for Wayne and I.  And I will miss many many of them, as well as most of the residents.

I just can’t be the reliable Peggy anymore.  This journey of grief is so new, so uncharted for me. Having never gone through it before, I don’t know what to expect, where the grief will take me.

A few mothers from that ‘special’ club no one wants to be in, told me to take care of myself and have a plan on things to keep me busy that will still allow me to grieve as needed.  ‘A grieving parents worst enemy, is empty time.’ I do have a few plans, and I know my Mom can always come up with things to keep me busy in the house, and outside…she’s good like that! 😉     Things like: working on blog, converting it into book, training my dog*, keeping things kept nice here in the house, going for walks/hikes with Jasper*, trying to figure out how to sew, doing some needlework…so you see lots of things, but nothing too taxing, with the exception of the dog.

I don’t know how long this grief will last, or how deep it’ll go…but I want to ride it out, and cry when needed, laughing when able and remember always.  I miss you sweet boy of mine…I wish you were crawling at my feet, playing at my feet.  *****

*I would like you to meet Jasper, my new pet/service animal.  He is a two tear old Australian Heeler/Border Collie mix, with tons of energy, TONS of smarts.  I have my work cut out for me, in training him, although it’s not that he doesn’t learn, its that I need to be consistent, energetic and patient.  The dark patches are dark chocolate brown.  He grumbles like an old man, when settling into his crate to sleep…makes me laugh.


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4 Comments leave one →
  1. De'Dee Brown permalink
    July 16, 2010 9:20 am

    Your service dog? Or a dog you are training who may later become a service dog for someone who is say blind?

  2. Christina permalink
    July 16, 2010 11:00 am

    From everything you’ve written lately, I think this may be a good move for you. Hopefully it will help you in your grieving process. I love you and if there’s anything I can do let me know! (Hugs)

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