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To Mourn

July 13, 2010

Mourning, is grief work.  It is a living thing, but you can’t touch it.

To Mourn:

“grieve for, miss, lament, keen for, weep for, sorrow for, wail for, wear black for. Bemoan, rue, deplore, bewail.”

Lets break that down, for shits and giggles, shall we…

Lament: “To grieve audibly, to regret deeply.”

Keen: ” having a fine edge or point.”

Weep: “to express deep sorrow through tears, to express passion (grief) through tears”

Wail: “to express sorrow audibly, to express dissatisfaction plaintively.”

Sorrow: “a display of grief or sadness, deep distress and/or regret over the loss of someone”

Grief: “deep pain and sorrow over the loss of someone”

So, yes…I am in mourning. There in no way to know how long I will mourn, or how deeply I will mourn.  No way to know my time ‘limit’…if there is even a limit to my mourning.  I don’t believe there is, not with this.   How can I tell anyone when I’ll be functional again, when I don’t even know that?  I wish I did…I wish I knew that there could be an end to this grief.  Oh, I know the intensity will change, will lessen a bit over time.  But, it’ll never go away completely. It will occasionally sucker punch me.

But I don’t want this…

I REALLY don’t want this…it’s too much to bare…

2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 13, 2010 6:13 pm

    Yes, grief work is exhausting. Your list of expressions of it was interesting, and yet, still we search for the exact description. Just breathe, that’s all you have to do. No need to worry about when you’ll be “functional” for others, just breathe. Be gentle with yourself. You are not alone.

    • July 13, 2010 6:18 pm

      And sometimes, breathing is even hard to do. I try to be gentle with myself…I need to learn to more gentle I guess. No one tells you what you need to go, in situations like this. It’s a learning curve I’d rather not have to learn.

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