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Can you see my pain? Do you even know I’m here?

July 9, 2010
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Can you see my pain?

Do you even know I’m here?

Will you look my way, or leave me in my hell?

I need, but don’t know what I need…besides my son.

I long for that small sweet face, that childish little giggle…

I desperately search for meaning and find none.

People say that ‘he is in God’s arms now’…

well, fuck that… I’m his mother…he should be in MY arms…not Gods

‘He was probably saved from something horrible’

Well that’s nice, but why wasn’t I saved from something horrible?!

‘He’s your angel now’

Well excuse me, but I don’t want him as my fricken angel…I WANT HIM IN MY ARMS DAMMIT!



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4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 10, 2010 7:01 am

    Exactly. Wish people would say, “I’m sorry” and stop trying to ‘fix’ us with God statements. (Thanks for visiting my blog; glad to meet you in this e-life.)

    • July 10, 2010 9:46 am

      These is no fix, but sometimes I wish there was a rewind and pause…
      Glad to meet you too.

  2. July 25, 2010 1:01 pm

    I love your blog. Its helping me understand. I feel bad because I have said to Angie he is her Angel. I truly believe it, but youre right. You didnt ask for an angel, you want your baby in your arms. So true. I cant imagine wanting anything else myself. =(

    • July 25, 2010 6:08 pm

      Kristen,
      Every parent deals with things in different ways. And sometimes, you say something that is so opposite of what you’re belief system is, and that’s normal…one is forced to find the new normal, and in getting there, you question your faith too.

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