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New Triggers

July 7, 2010

Years ago, before the medical and nutritional world would start to see obesity as a ‘disease’ I wrote an English paper on the similarities between anorexia and obesity.  I researched the common triggers and didn’t leave much of anything out. Familial triats, family relations, medical problems, social sphere and strata, personality traits, esteem issues, control issues and on the list goes.

I have found one I didn’t consider: grief.

A deep, intense grief can make you feel as all control is gone. Vanished with the wind.

So to gain a bit of control back, a grief stricken person might look to their eating as what they can control.  Either by limiting what they eat, or by feeling that they need to eat for something to do.

Personally…I looked to food as a comfort. Something I didn’t have to think about, but something I could DO and fill my time with.

I know that this is a wrong relationship with food. But it takes so much effort to put one step in front of the other, that having to think about what I place in my mouth is monumental.

I have presently learned that I have to take thyroid medications now.  My level is just over twice the amount it should be.  I’m told that I will need to take this medication for, presumably, the rest of my life.  I’m also told that it will help with the tiredness, lethargy,  depression, dry skin,  lack of concentration ability, etc etc etc, that I’m dealing with.

I know that most of my problems arise from depression. I just don’t care about what I eat, what I do…it’s a huge effort to go to work, and be functional there.

I know that in time, I will begin to take interests again. That life won’t be so hard to live.  It won’t be so difficult to concentrate.  It won’t be so difficult to breath.

Someday…time will get easier to allow back into my life.

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