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The Silent Ones…

July 2, 2010

A good friend of mine has been a tremendous gift to me since Michael died.  She is living what most women fear, while I live what most mothers dread.  I say most, because not every woman wants to be a mother, and not every mother is a mother.

My friend, whom I’ll call Pickles from now on, cannot have children.  She is suffering daily from the pain and grief of not being able to be a mother, but lives through it.

Pickles doesn’t have the same type of grief as I do, nor the pain. But she is the closest I have right now, and I am so happy to have her around. I would give anything for both of us to not have to live the paths we have, but we DO have them, and have to make the best of situations we are rebelling against.

People like Pickles and I are the Silent Ones. We walk among you, without visible wounds.  We don’t hold our loss or grief on our arms for all to see, and know about. The same patterns of life give us moments of pain and a lot of ‘What ifs?’  We are the ones, that suddenly go running out of a store, because the sight of a baby blue shoe brings a flood of memories back, and overwhelm us.  We are the ones who see a pregnant woman, and sharply turn our heads, and try to stem the flow of sorrowful tears that threaten to stream down our faces.  We are the ones who try to support a friend in her joyous moments of impending motherhood, only to have to back out of the baby shower, the tiny clothes reminding us of what we have lost so recently. We are the Silent Ones, who inwardly cringe when someone announces a pregnancy, birth, or milestone of a young child.  We bleed inside, that we can’t have those moments with our own precious babies, that we can’t share the joy with friends, or giggle over the silly faces or sounds our babies would have been making.  We bleed because we can’t compare our children with others around us, or that we’re suddenly excluded from an exclusive club we but saw a glimpse of, and loved nor got much of.   We bleed because we lost. We bleed because we cannot have, that which we want the most, our babies.

We are, The Silent Ones.

Don’t forget about us…

just because we don’t have children.

Don’t look through us,

Because we are walking a path you fear.

We need your love,

Your understanding,

Your compassion,

Your shoulder.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Angela P permalink
    July 2, 2010 10:05 am

    Hey, I just wanted to first say I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through. I know it’s such a hard road. I know, my story is a different case. But I can tell you that I have those feelings everyday as well. I get so jealous when i see a pregnant woman, or a mother holding a baby…the first and only time I got to see my baby was the day of the miscarriage..lifeless on the cold, hospital floor. Every day is a challenge..every day brings new struggles…but the truth remains that God is faithful and can see the bigger picture…where we can only see whats right in front of us. Just hang in there!! You can make it through this dark time

    • July 7, 2010 5:37 pm

      I’m so sorry for your loss, how horrible to loss through a miscarriage, or really, any other way. I pray that the challenges get a little less…challenging!

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