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What was important again?

June 30, 2010

The things that used to get me riled up, don’t anymore.  The things that I would have a ‘soap box’ about, just aren’t the same.

Death does that to you…without your notice most of the time. Until one day, you realize…I just don’t care about that much anymore, or not even at all.

There are even moments in which you hear others discussing their life stresses, or problems with this or that thing or person…you think…I would give anything for my ‘stress’ to be that simple.  I would give anything to have the simple life stress…and still look into his steel blue eyes and see his smile.

But me…when I have these thoughts, I feel like a bad person. Each persons life is their own…and until you have certain situations, a lot of things can be high stress.  I shouldn’t compare my life with others, especially if they have never lost a child. Even those situations aren’t the same either.

But still…I thought life was so full of stress before.  How wrong I was.

And seriously, politics make me go crazy…and sometimes I just feel overwhelmed by everything happening out there. To me, I am trying to understand why my son was taken from me…and worrying about why the BP oil spill hasn’t been cleaned up, or why Obama apologizes for the USA…I just can’t right now.  It doesn’t stir me up, like it used too…oh I can fake it…but really…I just want Michael back.

Dealing with the unexplainable is hard enough…

Even with my photography…I thought that was the way I was going to honor Michaels memory…but I’m not sure anymore….

I have an idea about what my lifes path might be.    But again…I don’t know…

Is there a degree in not knowing much of anything? If so, I’d have a Masters in it by now.

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