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The Business of Living…

March 26, 2010

It seems that the memorial has helped to put an end to the insane horrid grief I’ve felt.
To be sure, I’m still I’m still in mourning, I still miss Michael like I would miss a limb.
But now…I feel like it’s okay to takes some steps to move on in life. That it’s okay to not think about him or his passing for every second of the day, and sometimes night.

It’s been two weeks, but part of me feels that I should be in deep mourning still, that I should be on my knees in grief. That I shouldn’t be THIS healed, or feel that I’m this healed that is, not this soon.

Today, we move our things out of the apartment we lived in as a family. That saddens me…almost like we aren’t a family anymore. I know I’m still a mother, and Wayne is still a father…our son is just in Heaven, being taken care of by God the Father.

We still have so much love in us, for children. We both went through periods of not wanting anymore if we couldn’t have Michael back…

Now, we both now we will have more. We’ve both dreamed of more children. Those children knew of Michael, and that he was their brother.

Life will move on.
It’ll never be ‘perfect’
We will always be missing someone in the family portraits.
But I know he’ll be happy that we’re happy, that we’re living our life to the best we can, in honor of him.

I will miss you my sweet monkey toes, but I must learn to move on, I must take steps to live again.

You will be with me until I die, and I get to meet the man you’ve become in Heaven. The wonderful, beautiful new creature of God that you are.

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