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What and Who

March 19, 2010

My husband and I are staying with my parents for now, we cant’ go back to the apartment we lived in as a family. The memory is too hard to deal with, his ghost would be everywhere we’d look. I’d hear his laughing, crying, talking, etc everyday. It would be too hard.
At the same time, I can’t think about moving out of the apartment, because that’s where we were as a family.
Moving out will be a reminder we’re not a family anymore…that we’re missing a limb to our tree…that live as we knew it, will never be the same again…ever…

How do Wayne and I move on without Michael? I don’t know…one minute at a time I’m sure. Even that will be too much at times…

I had a dream the other night, we had two more children, who knew about Michael, and called him their guardian brother angel. One boy, one girl…and one angel…

Sometimes I feel like my pain is a private one, while I may smile and laugh, it just hides the deep searing pain I feel…

It’s like when you loss a limb, and have phantom pain for the rest of your life…

We lost a child…now we’ll feel the phantom pain for the rest of our lives…

Wondering, what his first word would have been?
What would have caught his interests?
What would he be like as a child, loving caring, talkative, curious, stubborn?
What would he look like, being in love for the first time?
What his child would have looked like?
If I would have gotten along with his wife?
What he would have done with his life?
What a shining light of God he would have been?

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